Networking Feels Fake?
Here’s the Version That Gets You Hired
“Just network more” is useless advice. Here’s the specific, non-transactional version of networking that actually leads to referrals and offers.
You added 50 LinkedIn connections, got zero replies
Networking events feel transactional and exhausting
You only reach out when you need something
“Just network more” advice has gotten you nowhere
Asking for help feels like begging, not connecting
“Networking doesn’t feel fake because you’re bad at it. It feels fake because you were taught the transactional version — collect contacts, then ask for favours. The version that actually works is closer to friendship than sales, and it starts months before you need anything.” — Sandeep Anand
Rohan had 40 minutes free before our second session and used it to send 12 LinkedIn connection requests to strangers at his target companies, each with a copy-pasted message: “Hi, I’m exploring opportunities at [Company] and would love to connect.”
Zero responses. Not one.
“I hate this,” he told me. “It feels like I’m begging people I’ve never met to help me. And it clearly doesn’t even work.”
He wasn’t wrong that it felt bad — because it was, structurally, a bad approach. It asked strangers for something before giving them any reason to care. The version of networking that actually gets people hired looks almost nothing like this, and once Rohan saw the difference, the exhaustion mostly disappeared along with the poor results.
Why Most Networking Advice Backfires
The advice “network more” fails because it doesn’t distinguish between two entirely different activities that both get called networking. One is collecting contacts and asking them for things. The other is building genuine professional relationships that, incidentally, sometimes lead to opportunities. Only the second one works, and it looks almost nothing like the first.
Reaching out only when you need something
A connection request sent the week you start job hunting, to someone who has never heard from you before, reads exactly as what it is — an ask with nothing behind it. People can tell the difference between someone genuinely curious about their work and someone using them as a means to a job. The former gets replies. The latter, almost never.
Leading with the ask instead of the curiosity
Most first messages open with what the sender wants — a referral, a resume review, an introduction. Reversing the order changes everything: leading with genuine interest in the other person’s path, work, or challenges, and only asking for something once a real conversation exists.
Treating quantity as the goal
Fifty shallow connections produce fewer referrals than fifteen genuine ones. A person who barely remembers your name will not vouch for you internally. A person who had a real 20-minute conversation with you, twice, over two months, will.
The Networking Framework That Actually Works
Identify people genuinely worth learning from
- List 15–20 people at your target companies — prioritise people doing work you’re genuinely curious about, not just anyone with hiring power
- Look for shared context: same college, same past company, mutual connections, similar career path — genuine common ground makes outreach easier and more natural
- Resist the urge to mass-message. A focused list of 15–20 outperforms a spray of 100
Lead with curiosity, not an ask
- Reference something specific and real about their work — a post they wrote, a project you admire, a shared background — never a generic template
- Ask for 15–20 minutes to learn about their path or their team’s work, not for a job or a referral
- Make it easy to say yes: propose two or three specific time slots rather than an open-ended “let’s connect sometime”
Take the free 5-minute Career Diagnostic before you send another connection request into the void.
Ask about their path, not your prospects
- Ask genuine questions: what does the day-to-day actually look like, what’s changed in the role, what would they tell someone considering this path
- Offer your own perspective where relevant — a good conversation goes both directions, not just an interview of them
- Do not ask for a job in this first conversation. The goal is a relationship, not a transaction
Keep the relationship alive between conversations
- Share something genuinely useful — an article, a relevant insight — without attaching any ask
- Congratulate a milestone: a promotion, a launch, a work anniversary
- Comment thoughtfully on their public posts rather than only messaging privately
Only ask once there’s a real relationship to draw on
- After genuine rapport exists, it’s entirely appropriate to say: “If a relevant role opens on your team, would you be comfortable referring me?”
- This ask lands completely differently after two real conversations than it does as a cold opener — because now there’s something behind it
- Most people are glad to help someone they’ve actually gotten to know — the discomfort was never about asking, it was about asking too soon
LinkedIn & Personal Branding Mastery (₹1,999, 45 min) — a focused session on building a profile and outreach approach that turns cold contacts into warm conversations, the exact groundwork Rohan used above.
Signs Your Networking Needs a Different Approach
Frequently Asked Questions
Networking feels fake when it’s transactional — reaching out only when you need something, asking for a job instead of a conversation, or treating relationships as a means to an end. Genuine networking is built months before you need it, is framed around curiosity about the other person’s work rather than a direct ask, and gives value before it requests anything. Done this way, it stops feeling like a performance.
Send a short, specific message referencing something genuine about their work or background, ask for 15–20 minutes to learn about their experience (not for a job), and make it easy to say yes by proposing specific times. The most effective messages avoid any mention of an open role or a resume in the first outreach — the ask is purely to learn.
A focused range of 15–20 genuine contacts across your target companies is more valuable than hundreds of shallow LinkedIn connections. The goal is depth — a handful of people who know your work and would comfortably refer you — rather than breadth of contacts who barely recognise your name.
Yes — candidates who reach a hiring manager through a referral are significantly more likely to be hired than those who apply cold, and a large share of roles are filled this way, particularly at mid and senior levels. Networking works because it routes around the same automated filters that silently reject the majority of cold applications.
Yes. LinkedIn & Personal Branding Mastery (45 minutes, sandeepanand.in/coaching/linkedin-personal-branding-mastery/) covers building a networking-ready LinkedIn presence and outreach strategy. Career Launchpad provides the complete job search system including networking, resume, and interview preparation.
Build Relationships That Actually Open Doors
In 45 minutes, we’ll map who you should be reaching out to, fix the messages that aren’t landing, and build the networking approach that fits how you’d actually want to be treated.
Explore Coaching & Courses → sandeepanand.in/coaching
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